Music and Lyrics by Michael Bihovsky
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**Featuring**
Michael.............Michael Bihovsky
Simon.........................Aaron Stall
Ensemble...................Dana Gitlin,
and Natalie West
**With special cameo appearances by**
Faculty Member.....Anita Bihovsky
President.................Ron Bihovsky
In this opening number, MICHAEL, an incoming freshman at NYU, is standing on line, waiting to be let into his dormitory on move-in day.
MICHAEL
Finally here
Finally free
Finally my life can begin
Finally at “South Tower”
But I’ve been waiting here for an hour
Forty-eight thousand’s a sin
And now I can’t even get in
First day of college
How can it be?
First day of madness
Living in NYC
I got a feeling
There’s gotta be something for me
First day of college
First step to finding me!
(Energy explodes onstage as the curtain rises, revealing “hundreds” of other NEW STUDENTS onstage, luggage and all. Some lucky STUDENTS are preceded by large plastic carts, to which they are holding on for dear life. Manning the doors are a small group of RESIDENCE ASSISTANTS, vainly attempting to keep order, and growing more irritable by the millisecond.)
NEW STUDENTS
Maybe the doors will open soon
It’s ninety degrees in afternoon
And is the elevator here yet?
RESIDENCE ASSISTANTS
NO!!
NEW STUDENTS
Everything that I hold at heart
Is piled inside this plastic cart
A hideous box on wheels
That I waited four hours
And traded my soul to get
(The doors are opened, and the New Students parade inside.)
NEW STUDENTS (cont’d)
First day of college
Throw down the key
Give me a new life
Finally NYC
I got a picture
Of everything I can be
First day of college
First step to finding me!
SIMON
Everyone here? Good.
How you guys doing today?
My name is Simon,
And I am your R.A.
“Residence Assistant,” or something like that. Now I’m sure you’ve all come here with your preconceptions about R.A.’s, that we’re the party-busting narc losers of University Life. Well, I’m not, and I don’t wanna be. So here’s the deal: if I don’t see it, hear it, or smell it, and nobody dies – I don’t care. Just make sure I’m invited.
Now I know what you’re thinkin’
“It’s got to be some trick”
When in sight, stay in line
And we’ll all get on just fine
Please don’t turn me into some anal-retentive prick
Okay. Now raise your hand if you’ve been to the city before. All right, good. So most of you probably know that anything you’re looking for – and I mean anything you could ever possibly want – will almost always be right next to you, if you know where to look.
Uptown in the city
Are the theatres and the malls
But what we know as “real NewYork”
Is right beyond these walls
Right outside there, on the corner
Are the things that matter most
So make sure you pay attention
Get your maps and listen close
North are hookah bars for clubbers
West are strippers – love to tease
East are drugs, and easy liquor
South are flawless fake IDs
Guys, it’s time to go to the Presidential Address.
So keep your highs down low!
MICHAEL
Is it mandatory?
SIMON
It’s optional.
But you still have to go!
(The New Students begin their walk to the Presidential Address.)
NEW STUDENTS
First day of college
So much to see
So much to do here
Everything NYC
I got places to go
And people to see
First day of college
First step to finding me!
FACULTY MEMBER
Please welcome the President of New York University!
(The PRESIDENT ascends to the podium as the New Students applaud.)
PRESIDENT
Thank you, thank you…On behalf of all of us here, let me be the first to welcome you all to NYU! It is our sincere hope that you will all make the very most out of the time you spend with us here, and we will be doing all that is in our power to make sure you have every opportunity to do just that.
The main criticism that the public gives us here at NYU is that we don’t have a structure. I am here to tell you that we do have a structure. A unique structure – but a structure nonetheless. And within that structure, if you will, is another structure, structured after the structural structure that befits a structure such as ours. Structure. Structure. Structure. Thank you very much.
(The music builds up again, as everyone turns out to the audience and sings.)
EVERYONE
First day of college
One guarantee
Anything happens
Living in NYC
I got towers to climb
In time I will see
First day of college
And anyone
Anything
Everything
I can be!
© 2005, Michael Bihovsky
Which track would you like to hear next?
1. “Living in NYC”
2. “When I Looked Into the Mirror”
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