Living with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome
“Sometimes I just don’t have it in me to be inspirational”
By Michael Bihovsky
This article was originally published by the Stanford Medical Journal on May 29, 2014, in partnership with Inspire, as part of their patient-focused SCOPE series.
I have a connective tissue disorder named Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. It’s a genetic collagen defect that results in super lax ligaments and tendons, creating frequent joint dislocations, cartilage tears, chronic muscle spasms, and much more. May is Ehlers-Danlos Awareness Month.
Every EDS patient knows that one of the hardest parts of our day is the moment we open our eyes and waken into the reality of our bodies.
Usually I take this opportunity to say something inspiring, about how my illness has changed me for the better and given me a clear purpose in life for both the work I do and the person I want to be. While all these things are true, the fact is that sometimes I’m in a physical state where I just don’t have it in me to be inspirational. And that’s all right – inspirational words are meaningless without the context of genuine human struggle. So, if you’re interested – and if you’ll bear with me – I’d like to take this opportunity to talk about EDS in its rawest sense, and to do my part to tell you about the very serious disease it is.
When I was a child, I got sick… and I never got better. And I never will. When I was finally diagnosed with EDS, it was made clear to me that there was no cure for my condition. The best we could do was try to manage and slow the symptoms – symptoms that were pretty much guaranteed, in the long run, to get worse. I have done the best I can with this knowledge. I’ve tried to make the most of the life I’ve been given, and whenever possible to keep a smile on my face and hope in my heart. But it’s been very hard. Every EDS patient knows that one of the hardest parts of our day is the moment we open our eyes and waken into the reality of our bodies, stirred from dreams of ourselves as we used to be, and the futures we imagined we’d have.
EDS is considered a rare disease, but every year the suspected percentage of those afflicted rises dramatically. The disease is notoriously underdiagnosed because doctors themselves don’t usually know about it, and are only able to start diagnosing patients when a textbook case (such as myself) walks into their office and physically demonstrates what it is. The devastating irony is that EDS is actually one of the simplest diseases to diagnose – all you really need is a protractor, and an online guide to a system of criteria known as the Beighton Scale. Then take this to your doctor for confirmation. When I performed these tests on myself a few years ago and then went to my doctors asking “What do you know about Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome?”, the deer-in-the-headlights look was as unanimous as it was unnerving.
So for anyone out there suffering from chronic pain, or other strange symptoms, please look into this. Or if you have a friend in physical distress, please pass on this information. EDS is a scary and challenging diagnosis, but the consequences of not knowing are far greater than that of a correct diagnosis. EDS symptoms can range from the very mild to the extremely severe. One thing is certain, though: If I had received a diagnosis back when my symptoms were mild, I would be living a very different life now. Every single day, in my struggle to actualize the person I still can be, I cannot help but mourn the person I could have been.
To the many people out there reading this who have EDS, or any other chronic illness, “invisible” or not – thank you for being my brothers and sisters. Take care of yourselves, and take care of each other. And remember that healing others may very well be the clearest path to healing ourselves.
Previously: “Live Because” – Living a Fuller Life with Chronic Illness
Michael Bihovsky is a musical theater composer and performer, and an “invisible illness” advocate. He is best known for his viral YouTube video “One Grain More,” a musical parody of Les Miserables about the plight of the food allergy community. Michael has also written an original musical, “Fresh!,” which tells the semi-autobiographical story of a group of college freshmen overcoming physical and emotional adversity amidst the craziness of college, and he is currently writing a book titled “Live Because: The Philosophy of the Broken, and the Journey Toward Wholeness.”