I haven’t spoken about this publicly yet, but I have not been able to use my right shoulder for the past month. At first because of a defect in one of my rotator cuff tendons, and then because of the extraction process, which required a cut into 75% of that tendon. Since I have connectisue tissue disorder (EDS) which damages tendons and ligaments, the prospect of cutting into a tendon is extremely daunting.
I should have recovered my range of motion after 3 days, but on day 13, I still could not move, and was in fact losing motion by the day – an indication that I might never use my right arm again.
And then, suddenly, at 2:30 in the morning – just 3 hours after the most painful and limited attempt at movement yet – my arm suddenly came back into being.
It was like seeing magic, and in that moment, I could barely breathe. I began to cry, in joy and relief. I don’t know what to take from this – many lessons are tempting. But all I know for sure is that even the most seemingly hopeless of situations sometimes changes for the better. And that change can happen in a single moment, when you least expect it.
With my renewed use of my arm, I wrote this poem:
Rediscovery
I move my arm through the air
Like I am dancing through time
and space
Like a child discovering my working body
For the very first time
I smile and laugh
Giddy and delighted
At what once escaped my notice for 29 years
How wonderful would life be
If we could rediscover it
With each new sunrise?
To awaken to ourselves
And witness
Every breath
Every sound
Every sight, feeling, and movement
As the miracle it is?
© Michael Bihovsky, 2016
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